


Safe (Only In Your Loving Arms)

by hopespym



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst and Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, honestly just a lot of feelings, they both have feelings and they're just tryna get through them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-01 19:49:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopespym/pseuds/hopespym
Summary: “No eating in the lab, that’s poor etiquette.”“And you're all about etiquette and rules since when?”Tony playfully rolled his eyes and turned away from Bucky, holding his head high acting the part of scandalized. “Since Steve gave me one lecture too many.”





	Safe (Only In Your Loving Arms)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iron_Eirlyssa (Eirlyssa)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eirlyssa/gifts).



> For my lovely recipient!

Bucky watched as the doors shut, trapping the injured man alone in his lab without anyone to help him.

He had watched as Iron Man had gone down earlier that day and he knew that the impact had to have hurt, no matter how much the man inside tried to promise that he had been through worse. Bucky didn’t doubt that, but it still felt wrong to let one of their own hide himself away instead of getting the help he probably needed.

Which, yes, was a pretty ironic thing for Bucky to be saying because half the time when he himself was injured he would hide away in his room until he had healed well enough. But still, something about being on the other side of the equation didn’t feel right to him. Call him a mother hen.

He had tried to ask Steve if this sort of event happened often, remembering the way the mechanic had let out a little wheeze of pain before turning around, far too quickly, with a showman smile on his face as he promised that JARVIS would be looking over him.

And yeah, that was a good point and all, everyone knew the AI would try to do everything in his power to take care of his creator, but Bucky also knew that sometimes when you were down and in pain, all you wanted was the presence of someone there and to see that you had someone.

Maybe Bucky was just projecting his own feelings a bit, but he still knew what he knew.

He knew that a person could be their own worst enemy, so when he heard Tony jokingly downing himself, and doing it quite a lot, he really thought he should have read the signs better to see just how lowly Tony thought of himself.

He tried to hide it in every bit of humour he could, whether it was slacking off other people like Justin Hammer, or even thinking back to the times he’s bickered with Steve (the line “take off the suit and what are you” seemed to come up a bit, no matter how much it looked like it pained Steve), or just his own childhood and upbringing.

A lot of it was from Tony’s relationship with his father though, and Bucky could see just the way it had affected him in certain situations. It came out a lot when Tony was working on new projects, and the less sleep he had, the more and more he tried to improve the design.

Rhodey had slyly made it known throughout Bucky’s stay so far how much Tony liked to please people- to get on their good sides and stay there- so it wasn’t a surprise when once Tony finished something for any of the Avengers, he’d move onto something else or try to improve what he just made.

He quite often made new sets of aids for Clint, new suits for all of the Avengers, and tried to help in general where he could, even if upgrades really _weren’t_ necessary in the moment. It was made worse that whenever you tried to thank him properly the man would just brush it off with a “Someone with half of my brain could have made something better with less effort, it’ll be better next time.”

 

Usually Bucky only tried to stay close to Steve.

It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the other Avengers quite yet, it was just that there were so many unknowns that he wasn’t sure he could trust _himself_ quite yet.

He knew Steve could take him, and probably Natasha and a few others as well, but he just really didn’t want it to come down to that. True, the Winter Soldier hadn’t been triggered since coming to the tower, but Bucky just didn’t know what he, alone, was capable of.

Because of this, he mostly stayed in his room, only coming out for some meals but then leaving if he felt he was getting overwhelmed or lost in his own thoughts too much. He couldn’t help but feel it was better to have a panic attack in his own room alone rather than in front of a crowd and ruin their evening.

It was bad enough when Steve found out about them, and even worse when Steve was present.

He still had the tendency to lash out, to break and destroy things, so it wasn’t uncommon for him to come back to reality without any concept of what had happened and wondering how so much glass and furniture had broken. With the help of Sam and his therapist, they were becoming less common.

He wasn’t sure when he first started trying to inch his way into Tony’s life though. He knew it was after seeing the man look so broken and lost, _vulnerable_ , that he knew he had to at least try to help.

It had started with letting Tony look at his arm - something he had previously denied up until the point. The thought of letting someone near his arm when he had first came to the tower had sent him into a spiral of his more depressive thoughts more than once.

He knew Tony now though, and knew he could trust the man. He also knew that if Tony could take care of the arc reactor even when it was killing him, then he could help him with the arm that was meant to aide him.

So even though the thought still sent shivers down his spine and left him feeling queasy, he waited until the arm was acting up and walked down to the lab, teeth gritted as he stood in front of Tony.

“Winter Smolder! What can I do for you?”

When he explained the pain in his shoulder, the look of surprise on Tony’s face was evident, but he simply adjusted and gave Bucky the most blinding smile before he started gathering his tools up, chattering to Bucky and helping take his mind off of the pain _-no, get away from the arm-it hurts, it hurts, it hurts._

After that, Bucky started going to Tony more regularly when he needed help with the arm, and each time a pleased smile would grace Tony's lips as he started working on it without hesitation.

Each time he found it a bit easier to breathe.

 

Next, it was bringing down little snacks.

One time, when he was going down to simply clear his mind, he had realized he hadn’t eaten all day and so he had taken down some snacks with him. Tony had given a look of disdain at the food and Bucky had merely told him that the food wasn’t for him.

“No eating in the lab, that’s poor etiquette.”

“And you're all about etiquette and rules since when?”

Tony playfully rolled his eyes and turned away from Bucky, holding his head high acting the part of scandalized. “Since Steve gave me one lecture too many.”

Bucky simply huffed and dropped himself onto the couch, spreading his legs out in front of him, tilting his head back, and closing his eyes. He took a bite out of one of the apple slices he had brought down before he answered with an edge of a sarcastic tone, “I think Stevie can deal with it just this once.”

Tony looked at him for a moment longer before huffing out a breath and snatching a slice from the bowl, turning back to his work, “You’re taking the blame for this when he finds out.”

“I think I can deal with that, doll.”

Tony didn’t reply back to that, and if Bucky had kept focused on the other man he would have seen the slight blush colouring his cheeks.

After that, it became normal for Bucky to bring food down to the labs with him whenever he felt like it was needed. Tony would always mock complain but then eat at least half of it himself and Bucky would always mock complain, calling him a vulture.

He would also merely grin back and start chattering to Bucky about whatever he was working on, something that Bucky was always content to listen to - the steady stream of Tony’s voice helping him to relax.

He didn’t know when the lab went from something that he swore to avoid at all costs to his place of safety, but he was glad it had. He hadn’t noticed that at the same time he was starting to build bonds with the other Avengers as well, connecting more with Steve at the same time.

It wasn’t at all like what he had with Tony, but he felt like every time he was around the man he had less of himself to fear knowing that someone he trusted was near.

But mind you, how Tony had become someone he had trusted was something else as well.

As Bucky laid alone on his bed, unable to sleep and a hand strewn over his face, he narrowed it down to the first time he had had a panic attack near Tony.

Yes, his panic attacks happened less and less, but they still happened.

They probably always would.

 

It had been a normal day for him and Steve had suggested sparring. They had just been for a morning run and Bucky, not exactly feeling his best but not feeling his worst either, had agreed to go on with the routine anyway.

It had gone well at first, with Bucky pulling punches with his metal arm, mainly ducking and keeping out of the way, trying to keep Steve on his toes, but then Steve had swung and kept too close to his face and suddenly Bucky was transported to back when they were fighting in Washington, DC.

At that moment, he started fighting with his survival instincts, not caring the damage he was doing. All he knew was that he needed to _fight, not let them get the upper hand, not let them win_. He stopped pulling punches and started getting into Steve’s space. He managed to get a few good punches in before something seemed to pull him out of his mind and he staggered away, breathing hard.

He heard Steve say his name a couple times, trying to get his attention and heard hesitant footsteps getting closer to him, but he couldn’t even look at Steve. Not now, now when he'd managed to lose himself, to go back down the path. Sure, he managed to pull himself out, but what if he hadn't?

Bolting for the door, he managed to get away from the gym area and start stumbling through the hallways, looking for something, anything as long as he was away from Steve, but somehow he found himself running into Tony.

“Bucky, you alright?”

He could hear the concern lacing the others voice, but as he started hyperventilating more the sound drowned out almost completely. He had nothing to focus on, nothing to ground himself with - all he knew was that he had made a mistake. Bucky didn’t know what was happening, but he knew that Tony would get him somewhere safe.

When they entered the lab, Tony sat him down on the couch and was talking to him lowly, staying directly in front of him and having both hands firmly clasped around Bucky’s wrists.

It had taken a while for Bucky to calm down, and occasionally he knew he lost himself to his own mind - recounts of the fight with Steve and the things that happened to him after playing back.

When he managed to finally pay attention to Tony, to thank him for helping him, Tony started speaking, admitting, “Sometimes I do things on purpose so that… So that I know I still have weaknesses.”

He paused for a moment, but Bucky didn’t dare speak as he was still focused on his breathing.

“Howard really drilled it into my head that it was a bad thing to have weaknesses. Obviously because it meant that you were corruptible. You could be… Swayed in some kind to lean more one way or the other,” a ghost of a smile came onto Tony’s face and he looked at Bucky as he continued talking.

“Obviously, he thought I was weak. Cared too much about things, cared about what other people thought of me… Cared in _general_ . There were a lot of things I did he thought was wrong, and each time he tried to… _Correct_ it, it made it worse. It made me care more for the things that I did have. I couldn’t cling to him and my mum like I wanted, so I clung to every piece of happiness that I got from Ana and Jarvis…”

Tony seemed lost in his own thoughts for a moment and Bucky didn't want to disturb his thoughts, but he wanted to thank him and to ask him why he and had told Bucky this, to ask how he overcame it, or if he was still going through it all. It’s then that Tony turned to him with sad eyes, as if reading his mind. When he spoke, his voice was as quiet as Bucky thought he’s ever heard it.

“Some days are harder than others - no matter what help you get or _think_ you’re getting, it doesn’t go away forever. You just need to surround yourself with people who you think can help you on days like that.”

They both lapse into a silence after that. Tony doesn’t follow up with any other comment and Bucky was processing what had just been said. Taking a deep breath, Bucky stood up and moved a bit away from Tony, looking down at the ground almost shyly.

He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to add to this conversation of what Tony had just shared with him, but he felt like if he ran, then, he may have come to regret it in even a couple days time.

“You’re my safest place, Tony.”

Silence filled the room again as Bucky tried to get his other thoughts in order, tried to find a way to take back the word vomit.

But why should he?

He was only telling the truth about the thoughts that kept him awake at night. He knew Tony wouldn’t tell anyone else what he said, and the man deserved to know.

Didn’t he deserve to know how much he affected Bucky on the daily? That even though he had been torn to shreds by everyone around him all his life for caring too much, it had helped Bucky when nothing else would?

“You’re my safest place too.”

His eyes snapped up and locked onto Tony’s. At first he wasn’t so sure that he heard him correctly, or at all. His mind was running a mile a minute and he didn’t really know what to think.

Letting out a little sigh, Bucky grasped Tony’s wrist in his hand, gripping lightly before he slid his hand up, Tony’s hand opening slightly to accommodate Bucky’s hand in his own. They sat there together, knees touching as they swayed closer together.

Bucky’s grip on Tony’s hand became a bit tighter as he let his head fall onto the other’s shoulder, taking deep breaths. He still wasn’t feeling too great about his attack on Steve, but he knew that the man had probably already forgiven him.

If he even saw anything was wrong with what happened.

He was beginning to get lost in his own thoughts again, another shaky breath leaving his lips, and he leaned more onto Tony. Not too sure what else was to come, he was surprised when he felt Tony bringing their joint hands closer to his own person.

The surprise turned into a sense of serenity, a comfort he never thought he’d experience again as Tony left a lingering kiss on his knuckles. Tony pulled away, rustling Bucky lightly from leaning on his shoulder, and looked shyly at him, perhaps feeling the same vulnerability.

“How are you feeling?”

Bucky felt a smile curl on his lips and didn’t even need to consider his word or fear what might come after the truth. Once, he had been afraid that his past had been to gruesome and awful for someone to even consider trying to at least like him, but with Tony’s hand still in his own, the lingering warmth of the kiss still causing warmth to fill him, he truly knew that he had been accepted.

Tony opening up, even just that little bit, must have been a sign that Tony felt the same, right?

Whatever would come next would come, and Bucky knew that he had nothing to fear with Tony beside him. They both knew they could grow stronger together, and so he uttered only one word in reply:

“Safe.”

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the following prompt:  
> Although he masks it with jokes, Tony thinks very very lowly of himself. No one quite realized how much until it got Tony hurt in a self-sacrifice play. This has Bucky deciding that keeping his distance because his Winter Soldier past makes him not good enough is not worth Tony thinking no one cares. Cue them helping one another with their issues (and maybe the others as well).
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @hopespyms


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